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Contrary to what some
people think, this Project is not about me in the sense
of celebrity, or vanity – I am about this Project
and being obedient to my calling - to provide my life and
skills to it. I am compelled to see it brought to light.
Having clarified that, there
were things this past year that gnawed the bones of my hope.
2002 had been a year of disappointment in aspects that had
tarnished my belief; that I could fund the project myself,
and other aspects, where I thought I could get the practical
support of others behind the vision. What I received was
a pile of prayer.
From the failure of the Blessing
Cards to sell and support the Project to some very
sad copyright misunderstandings that showed disdain for
my charity, to closed doors at local churches for support
- most of my disappointment is my fault for assuming too
much from others and not being very good in asking for assistance
or ‘selling’ the vision. I have been hoping
that God would ignite the hearts and eyes of others so that
I would not have to be a salesman revving up a pitch to
promote fever and salivation.
When I think of what this
Project will be – where it leads – the promise
I believe I was given for the paintings … I stand
dismayed that very few others can see … I begin to
feel insane and illussioned.
The setbacks incurred in
2002 wore me down and dulled the shine in my eye. My focus
has slipped frequently and my determination swaggered like
a drunk, looking for balance, for a handle to stand steady.
This year has left me holding my worst debt since 1986.
Yet, there has been endurance
and now, here, at the change of year, there is light. The
end of 2002 took an upswing - a crack of hope shines from
behind a few unanswered doors where I had knocked –
“Bread or stone? Fish or serpent?” (Luke 11:11-13).
It seems the Project is gaining allies.
I say, bread and fish.
The greatest moment of the
year was a 5 month moment where I rediscovered my artistic
soul. After four years of laying dormant, I stepped into
the painting studio and got my hands colorful in paint.
Powerful strides were made. Those five months straight,
were the longest period of time I have ever spent in the
studio painting freely - in my career as an artist. It came
at a cost, of course, CLOUD FORMS divine
mystery, did not sell well enough to make up for the
time. That is another issue altogether. Still – I
came out from that period a new man. The work, some of my
best to date, and the most mature, has had profound affect
on others in many ways. It has helped in making my point
for the Freedom ART Project paintings to
come. Best of all, I have gained insight on my approach
to the Freedom ART Project that I would
not have had if I hadn't taken the risk and painted - and
that is a greater value then the financial burden I am left
with.
2002 was a year for
growth and development, not with out its pains. May 2003
be a further blessing beyond my limited hopes, and beyond
my desire - and may it be this way for everyone as we step
into 2003 together.
To
January
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